英語笑話大全
笑話是一個漢語詞匯，意思是引人發笑的話或事情。笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。下面小編為您帶來英語笑話！
英語笑話 1
1、A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
小男孩問他的父親：“爸爸，結婚要花多少錢?”
His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."
他的父親回答說：“兒子，我不知道，因為我現在還在為它付賬呢。”
2、Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"Im a bachelor."
杰克騎車摔傷，得住院治療。一位年輕美貌的護士拿著表格讓填。仞杰克填好遞上表格"還有什么漏填的?"護士問. "有!"杰克想了想說，"我是個單身漢."
3、 Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
Husband:Its okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat meals.
妻子：你看這張報紙，據統計，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的`。
丈夫：那有什么?據我調查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯的。
4、"Excuse me,but the seat youve taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."
"請原諒，你占了我的位置."
"你的位置?你能征明這點嗎?"
"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."
5、One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"
Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"
一天，夏娃問亞當："你當真愛我嗎?"
亞當無可奈何地回答："我還有的選擇嗎?"
英語笑話 2
拍賣!
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long，the doorbell rang.”How much are you asking for the treesp"a young man asked.
我們決定賣掉我們的房子。于是，我們就在院前的大樹上釘了兩塊牌子，上面寫著:“拍賣。”沒過多久，我們的門鈴就響了。一位年輕人問:“你們的樹想賣多少錢?”
三只烏龜
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.
三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。
Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
于是最大的那只烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“你回家去取傘吧。”
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you dont drink my offee."
最小的烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
"We wont," the other two promised.
“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應說。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isnt coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
兩年后，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的`咖啡喝掉了。”
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I wont go."
正在這時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去。”
吝嗇鬼的餐會
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧?”
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