笑得肚子痛得英語(yǔ)小笑話

時(shí)間：2020-10-11 15:00:13 英語(yǔ)笑話我要投稿

笑得肚子痛得英語(yǔ)小笑話

　　What are the Two Words?

笑得肚子痛得英語(yǔ)小笑話

　　A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?

　　Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?

　　一個(gè)非常和藹的老夫人有幾句話要對(duì)她的孫女說(shuō)。我親愛(ài)的，老夫人說(shuō)，我希望你能幫我一個(gè)忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠(yuǎn)不要用兩個(gè)詞，一個(gè)是“討厭的”，另一個(gè)是“極好的”。你能答應(yīng)我嗎?

　　噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶。女孩說(shuō)：是哪兩個(gè)詞?

　　奇猜異想

　　Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.

　　One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"

　　我們的物理教授千方百計(jì)引導(dǎo)我們討論阿基米德的排水原理。他告訴我們阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他進(jìn)入池子，發(fā)現(xiàn)水漲高了，溢出池沿。他對(duì)這一發(fā)現(xiàn)十分激動(dòng)，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka!”教授問(wèn)我們誰(shuí)知道他喊的是什么意思。

　　一個(gè)學(xué)生站起來(lái)答道：“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”

　　The Doctor Knows Better

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一個(gè)男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。他的妻子站在他的床前對(duì)醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“我想他傷得很厲害。”

　　醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了。”

　　聽到醫(yī)生的話，這個(gè)男人轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)著頭說(shuō)：“我沒(méi)死，我還活著。”

　　妻子說(shuō)：“安靜，醫(yī)生比你懂得多。”

　　I Don't Need to Steal Any More

　　The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing， sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”

　　一家大百貨店的老板在查帳中發(fā)現(xiàn)，他最信任的雇員從公司偷走了一百多萬(wàn)美元。“我不要丑聞。”老板說(shuō)。“我只要開除你。”那個(gè)雇員回答說(shuō)：“不錯(cuò)，我是偷了你公司相當(dāng)一大筆錢。現(xiàn)在我有游艇、一座鄉(xiāng)村別墅、珠寶，以及你能想到的.一切奢侈品。我什么都不需要了，你為什么要再雇個(gè)人來(lái)，讓他從頭做起呢?”

　　合理的憂傷

　　On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause，”says Parson Sly， “The same effect may give： Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife，that he may live”.

　　馬修·普賴厄可憐的魯賓躺在他的病床里; 他的妻子陷入絕望; 頻頻啜泣，相對(duì)哭啼，他們都表達(dá)著憂傷。 “不同原因，”滑頭牧師說(shuō)， “可產(chǎn)生同樣結(jié)果：可憐的魯賓怕他會(huì)死; 他老婆，怕他會(huì)活。”

　　Compare other things?比一下其他?

　　Compare other things?比一下其他?

　　Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.

　　Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?

　　Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.

　　兒子：媽媽，John有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。

　　媽媽：你只關(guān)心這個(gè)嗎?不會(huì)比一下其它東西?

　　兒子：有啊，他媽媽比你漂亮。

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