兒童學前英語小笑話
Keep feeding him nickels
A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically, she called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? "Yelled back the father,"Keep feeding him nickels!"
母親見三歲的兒子將一枚五分鎳幣放進嘴里吞了下去，她立刻將他抱起，頭朝下不停地拍打他的后背，他咳出了兩枚一角的硬幣，她發狂似的朝正在外面的孩子父親喊道： “你兒子剛才吞下了一枚五分鎳幣，可咳出兩枚一角的.硬幣!我該怎么辦呢?”孩子他爸大聲回答道：“再喂他幾枚鎳幣!”
Dumas仲馬
One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry. “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”
有一天，一個人在嘲弄法國大小說家亞歷山大·仲馬，譏笑他的祖先。 那家伙厲聲說：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血兒，你父親是黑白混血兒，而你的祖父是個黑人。” “是的，”仲馬大聲回敬：“還有呢，如果你想知道的話， 我的曾祖父是一只猴子。其實我的血統起始于你的血統終止的地方。”
冷與熱
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
蒙特利爾咖啡館的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的水龍頭，結果被水燙傷了。“這太可惡了，”他抱怨道，“標著C的龍頭流出的是開水。”“可是，先生，C代表Chaude，在法語里代表'熱'。如果您住在蒙特利爾的話就應該知道這一點。”“等等，”那位顧客咆哮著，“另外一個龍頭標的也是C。”“那當然，”經理說道：“這個C代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。”
Who is Stupid?
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一個老師在對學生們講心理學，“誰認為自己蠢就站起來?”她一開始就說。
小約翰尼站了起來。
“你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問。
“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。”
一分一塊錢
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在給學生們監考。他發下試卷，然后回到講臺前等待。
考試結束了，學生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發現一張試卷上別著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫著："一分一塊錢。"
第二堂課，教授把試卷都發回學生們手中。其中一個學生不但得到了試卷還得到64塊錢的找零。
哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
我們的餐廳經理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者，我應該說，他是有點矮!一天，經理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”
我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!
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