瘋狂英語笑話精選3篇
我為什么逃避手術
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
一位男士在進行手術前被發現正沿著醫院的大廳逃離。
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
“發生了什么?”有人問他。
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
男士回答道：“我聽見護士說，‘這只是一個簡單的手術。不用擔心，我相信不會出問題的。’”
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
“她這樣做是想讓你感到安心啊，有什么好害怕的?”
"She was talking to the damn doctor!"
“可她是在對那該死的手術醫生說!”
The Cemetery Shortcut為抄近路走墓地
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
萬圣節派對過后，兩男人圖個樂呵，打算抄近路穿過墓地回家。
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
走到墓地中央時，他們被從迷霧中傳來的“答、答、答”聲驚嚇到了。
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
正當兩人害怕得渾身顫抖時，他們看到是個老頭拿著鐵錘和鑿子，在一塊墓石上鑿著什么。
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口氣說，“你把我們嚇得半死啊，我們還以為遇上鬼了呢!那么晚了你在這里做什么?”
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
“那幫白癡!”老頭抱怨道，“他們把我名字拼錯啦!”
保證沒走錯To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.
在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。
A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問坐在首位的`那位男士道：
"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
“對不起，請問我剛才出去的時候是踩著你的腳嗎?”
"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
“是的，不過沒什么關系，一點也不疼。”
"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
“噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。”
傳教士買鸚鵡A preacher is buying a parrot
A preacher is buying a parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡。
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
“噢，絕對不會。它是一只虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
“你看見它腿上的那些細繩了嗎?當你拉動右邊這根，它會背誦天主經;當你拉動左邊那根，它會背誦贊美詩。”
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩根繩子，會發生什么呢?”
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
“我會從樹干上掉下去，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
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