超級(jí)搞笑的英語(yǔ)笑話「精品」
誰(shuí)欠誰(shuí)錢(qián)
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.
律師的狗，沒(méi)有拴而到處閑逛，它來(lái)到一家肉店，偷走了一塊 烤肉。店主來(lái)到律師的辦公室，問(wèn)道“如果一條沒(méi)栓的狗從我的商店里偷了塊肉，我有權(quán)利從狗的主人那里要回?fù)p失嗎?律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗沒(méi)栓而且今天從我的`店里頭了塊肉”，律師什么都沒(méi)說(shuō)，馬上給他寫(xiě)了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開(kāi)郵箱，發(fā)現(xiàn)一封來(lái)自律師的信，信上寫(xiě) 道：咨詢費(fèi)250美元。
它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)，銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我，先生，也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的。”
請(qǐng)把胡子還給我
A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.
“Two pence,” said the man.
“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”
The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.
“A penny,” said the barber.
“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”
一個(gè)賣(mài)掃帚的人去理發(fā)店修面。理發(fā)師從他那里買(mǎi)了一把掃帚。當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他修面后，問(wèn)一下他掃帚的價(jià)格。
買(mǎi)掃帚的人說(shuō)：“兩個(gè)便士。”
“不，不。”理發(fā)師說(shuō)：“ 我只出一個(gè)便士，如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話，可以把掃帚拿回去。”
賣(mài)掃帚的人拿回了掃帚，隨后問(wèn)修面要付多少錢(qián)。
“一便士。”理發(fā)師說(shuō)。
賣(mài)掃帚的人說(shuō)：“我給你半個(gè)便士，如果不夠的話，請(qǐng)把我的胡子還給我。”
Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
每個(gè)星期天牧師都會(huì)把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然后給他們講一個(gè)故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來(lái)了一臺(tái)電話機(jī)。
“你們和別人在電話里交談，并沒(méi)有看到電話線另一端的人，對(duì)嗎?”他開(kāi)始問(wèn)道。孩子們點(diǎn)頭稱(chēng)是。“好的，和上帝交談就象通過(guò)電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見(jiàn)他，但是他正在聆聽(tīng)你的心聲。”
就在這時(shí)，一個(gè)小男孩尖著嗓子問(wèn)道：“那他的電話號(hào)碼是什么?”
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