幽默精選極品英語笑話
一只死蒼蠅
Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter: Yes, sir, I know, it's the heat that kills it.
史密斯先生：服務員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅。
服務員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的。
輕率的插話
The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
我所工作的精品家具商店是從20世紀二十年代以來就營業的。最近我接到一個婦女的電話。她想換一套餐具中的一些椅子。這套餐具她是在三十年代從我們這兒買的。我向她保證說我們可以幫她的.忙，于是我向部門經理尋求幫助。“你永遠也不會相信，”我對他說，“我剛接到一個顧客的電話，她在三十年代從我們這里買了一些椅子。” 我還沒來得及說她的要求，經理就打斷了我的話：“你別告訴我她到現在還沒收到貨!”
你有錢生活嗎?
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive?
男朋友：你覺得我的薪水夠你用嗎?
女朋友：是的，夠我用。但是，你有錢生活嗎?
兄弟倆的對話 Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
Five Months Older大五個月
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫問。
“十八，長官。”約翰說。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”
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