職業(yè)賭徒，沒事偷著樂
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.
After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
經(jīng)濟(jì)大蕭條時(shí)期。有一天，有個(gè)男人走進(jìn)一家酒吧，對(duì)調(diào)酒師說：“調(diào)酒師，我想為在座的所有客人每人買一杯酒。”
調(diào)酒師說：“當(dāng)然可以，不過現(xiàn)在正處于經(jīng)濟(jì)蕭條時(shí)期，我需要先看到你帶有足夠的現(xiàn)金才行。”
那人從口袋里掏出一大迭鈔票放到吧臺(tái)上。調(diào)酒師簡直不敢相信自己的眼睛，就問：“你這些錢都是從哪兒弄來的?”
“我是一個(gè)職業(yè)賭徒。”男士回答。
“這不可能。我的意思是，在賭場(chǎng)你贏的機(jī)會(huì)最多也就五五開，不是嗎?” 調(diào)酒師說。
“那當(dāng)然，不過我只打我必贏的'賭。”男士說。
“比如呢?”調(diào)酒師問道。
“唔，例如，我可以和你賭50美元：我能夠用自己的牙咬到自己的右眼睛。”他說。
調(diào)酒師想了一下，就說：“那就來吧!”
于是，那個(gè)人將他右邊的假眼摳了出來，用嘴咬了一下。
調(diào)酒師說聲“靠!我上當(dāng)了!” ，就給了他50美元。
那陌生人又說道：“我會(huì)再給你一次機(jī)會(huì)的。我再和你賭50美元：我可以用我的牙咬到我的左眼。”
調(diào)酒師想了想說道：“哼!你又不是盲人，我的意思是說，我可是看著你走進(jìn)這個(gè)酒吧的。這一把我和你賭定了!”
話剛出口，那家伙就從嘴里一把將假牙掰了下來，咬了左眼睛一下。
“靠!我又上當(dāng)了!”調(diào)酒師幾乎是抗議地叫出聲來。
“這就是我贏了這么多錢的辦法，小伙子!不過這次你也不用給我50元了，我只拿走一瓶威士忌就算了!”那人說道。
那個(gè)人拿了酒，就來到酒吧的后房，整個(gè)晚上的大部分時(shí)間都在和當(dāng)?shù)厝舜蚺啤?/p>
邊喝邊玩好幾個(gè)小時(shí)之后，那個(gè)人又搖搖晃晃地來到吧臺(tái)前，醉醺醺的樣子，都快站不住了，他對(duì)調(diào)酒師說：“小伙子，我再給你最后一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)。我和你賭500美元：我可以用一只腳站在這張吧臺(tái)上撒尿，我能夠把尿射到你身后酒架上的那個(gè)空瓶子里，而且保證不灑一滴到瓶子外邊。”
調(diào)酒師再一次認(rèn)真想了想：這家伙現(xiàn)在就是用兩只腳都站不直，更別說用一條腿了……于是說：“好!那你就開始吧。”
只見那人爬到吧臺(tái)上，來個(gè)金雞獨(dú)立，就開始撒尿。尿撒得到處都是：吧臺(tái)上、調(diào)酒師身上和他自己身上，就是沒有一滴尿到酒瓶里去。
小伙子簡直開心死了，大笑著說：“老兄，這次你可欠我500塊錢了。”
那家伙從吧臺(tái)上爬了下來，說：“沒問題。我剛和棋牌室里的每個(gè)人都賭了一千塊錢，說我敢往你身上和吧臺(tái)上撒尿，并且還能讓你大笑!”
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