攻克雅思寫作銜接難題

時(shí)間：2024-10-16 12:54:57 雅思(IELTS) 我要投稿

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攻克雅思寫作銜接難題

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攻克雅思寫作銜接難題

　　劍橋雅思真題9的一篇考官范文，一起來(lái)看看 “連貫和銜接”的使用。

　　題目：Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

　　Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general

　　population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend.

　　通過(guò)代詞this的使用使得“現(xiàn)象”與大眾對(duì)現(xiàn)象的看法產(chǎn)生了銜接，清晰簡(jiǎn)潔，不留痕跡做到了評(píng)分準(zhǔn)則中的“uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention”

　　One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more

　　lifestyle.

　　通過(guò) “one possible”寫出了后文還會(huì)提到提到其他的解決方案，從而體現(xiàn)了后文在分段和內(nèi)容上與總觀點(diǎn)的對(duì)應(yīng)，即評(píng)分準(zhǔn)則中的”skilfully manages paragraphing“

　　Advocates of this believe that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful working

　　通過(guò)this的使用把主體段與“首段”緊密聯(lián)系起來(lái)

　　conditions mean that physical activity is no longer part of either our work or our

　　leisure time. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more

　　通過(guò)對(duì)于關(guān)鍵詞的修飾進(jìn)一步論證了論點(diǎn)中涉及的關(guān)鍵重心內(nèi)容，體現(xiàn)了內(nèi)容的深化，論據(jù)與觀點(diǎn)的銜接(即增多“sports facilities”的第一個(gè)原因：需要讓大眾更方便做運(yùn)動(dòng))

　　likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. The variety of sports that could be offered would

　　作用同上“通過(guò)對(duì)于關(guān)鍵詞的修飾進(jìn)一步論證了論點(diǎn)中涉及的關(guān)鍵重心內(nèi)容，體現(xiàn)了內(nèi)容的深化，論據(jù)與觀點(diǎn)的銜接”(即增多“sports facilities”的第二個(gè)原因：需要滿足更多人的需求)，兩個(gè)原因之間并沒(méi)有生硬的使用“Firstly, Secondly”

　　cater for all ages, levels of fitness and interests: those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch.

　　However, there may be better ways of tackling this problem. Interest in sport is

　　通過(guò)代詞”this ”的使用，是的此段觀點(diǎn)與題目相聯(lián)系(即在此段會(huì)寫出“other possible ways”),并且與上一段形成并列關(guān)系

　　not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not

　　those who most need them. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively

　　cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. This has the added benefit that parents and children often use them

　　“This”代替前面的措施，前后句之間因此產(chǎn)生緊密聯(lián)系

　　together just for fun, which develops a positive attitude to exercise at an early age.

　　“which”代替前面所描述的“增加equipment”的直接影響，使主句和從句，直接影響和間接影響產(chǎn)生聯(lián)系

　　As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food

　　products, tobacco and alcohol, as excessive consumption of any of these

　　(普通連接詞“as”后接原因) (“these”代詞的使用加強(qiáng)主從句之間的聯(lián)系)

　　contributes to poor health. Even improving public transport would help: it takes

　　longer to walk to the bus stop than to the car.

　　In my opinion, focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would

　　not have the desired results. People should be encouraged not only to be more

　　physically active but also to adopt a healthier lifestyle in general.

　　通過(guò)以上的分析可以看出，考官是極少使用明顯生硬的連接詞的，而是通過(guò)緊扣論點(diǎn)的論據(jù)分類，代詞的準(zhǔn)確應(yīng)用以及論點(diǎn)與分論點(diǎn)的內(nèi)容呼應(yīng)達(dá)到“不留痕跡，分段得體”的狀態(tài)的。

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