關于英語的幽默笑話
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.
After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
經濟大蕭條時期。有一天，有個男人走進一家酒吧，對調酒師說：“調酒師，我想為在座的所有客人每人買一杯酒。”
調酒師說：“當然可以，不過現在正處于經濟蕭條時期，我需要先看到你帶有足夠的現金才行。”
那人從口袋里掏出一大迭鈔票放到吧臺上。調酒師簡直不敢相信自己的眼睛，就問：“你這些錢都是從哪兒弄來的`?”
“我是一個職業賭徒。”男士回答。
“這不可能。我的意思是，在賭場你贏的機會最多也就五五開，不是嗎?” 調酒師說。
“那當然，不過我只打我必贏的賭。”男士說。
“比如呢?”調酒師問道。
“唔，例如，我可以和你賭50美元：我能夠用自己的牙咬到自己的右眼睛。”他說。
調酒師想了一下，就說：“那就來吧!”
于是，那個人將他右邊的假眼摳了出來，用嘴咬了一下。
調酒師說聲“靠!我上當了!” ，就給了他50美元。
那陌生人又說道：“我會再給你一次機會的。我再和你賭50美元：我可以用我的牙咬到我的左眼。”
調酒師想了想說道：“哼!你又不是盲人，我的意思是說，我可是看著你走進這個酒吧的。這一把我和你賭定了!”
話剛出口，那家伙就從嘴里一把將假牙掰了下來，咬了左眼睛一下。
“靠!我又上當了!”調酒師幾乎是抗議地叫出聲來。
“這就是我贏了這么多錢的辦法，小伙子!不過這次你也不用給我50元了，我只拿走一瓶威士忌就算了!”那人說道。
那個人拿了酒，就來到酒吧的后房，整個晚上的大部分時間都在和當地人打牌。
邊喝邊玩好幾個小時之后，那個人又搖搖晃晃地來到吧臺前，醉醺醺的樣子，都快站不住了，他對調酒師說：“小伙子，我再給你最后一個機會。我和你賭500美元：我可以用一只腳站在這張吧臺上撒尿，我能夠把尿射到你身后酒架上的那個空瓶子里，而且保證不灑一滴到瓶子外邊。”
調酒師再一次認真想了想：這家伙現在就是用兩只腳都站不直，更別說用一條腿了……于是說：“好!那你就開始吧。”
只見那人爬到吧臺上，來個金雞獨立，就開始撒尿。尿撒得到處都是：吧臺上、調酒師身上和他自己身上，就是沒有一滴尿到酒瓶里去。
小伙子簡直開心死了，大笑著說：“老兄，這次你可欠我500塊錢了。”
那家伙從吧臺上爬了下來，說：“沒問題。我剛和棋牌室里的每個人都賭了一千塊錢，說我敢往你身上和吧臺上撒尿，并且還能讓你大笑!”
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